On being liked -

Being liked at work is not the same as being respected.

I spent a chunk of my career being overly polite.

I deflected credit easily and spent a whole lot of energy trying to fit in.

And I felt the consequences.

I stayed too long in the same role and had to work much harder to get where I wanted to be.

What I didn’t know then was how much the language I used was shaping how my work was perceived.

And that as women, we are often taught to prioritise being agreeable over being authoritative.


My coaching clients today are highly competent and deeply knowledgeable.

But it’s so easy to fall into those habits: diluting what we say with excess words, softeners, or disclaimers:

“I just wanted to say…”
“I’m not sure if this makes sense, but…”
“Maybe this is obvious…”

Small phrases, big impact — but not the kind we want.

Language isn’t the whole story, but it’s often the most visible place change begins.

I heard this at the IESE Women in Business conference last week, from panelist Aishetu Fatima Dozié:

“It’s not about people thinking you’re nice. It’s about them respecting you.”

That distinction matters.

And that respect comes from clarity. From conveying our value. From saying what we mean — calmly and intentionally.


Looking back, what held me back wasn’t a lack of ability.

It was how cautiously I wrapped my ideas, and my asks.

It took time to realise that clarity wasn’t a risk.

It’s a responsibility.